Here's a couple scenes of the movie that were re-written for modern Internet times. They were very imaginatively written by Michael Kotler. This is new here at Wonka Facts. Be sure to tell me what you think of it! Maybe you can even think up a couple of original re-done scenes yourself!

Willy Wonka in the age of the Internet

Suppose the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was produced
some 25 years later, in the age of the Internet?  I wonder how things
would be different?



Scene at Mike Teevee's house, now named Mike Dotcom

(Television news announcer interviewing a kid sitting in front of a PC,
frequently keyboarding and clicking the mouse)

Newsman: We're here at the home of Mike Dotcom, the winner of the fifth
golden ticket. Mike, all the stores in your town were out of Wonka
Bars.  How did you get yours?

Mike: I ordered them on the Web.

Newsman: I see. Tell me, what are your hobbies?

Mike: Netsurfing.  Wait, I'm in a chatroom.

Newsman: Yes, and what else do...

Mike: Quiet.  Can't you see I'm downloading a file.

Mrs. Dotcom: Sorry, when he's on the Internet the world ceases to exist.

(at this point, we see a flashing message that reads "New Mail") A
graphic of an unfolding letter is seen with an attached photo of
Slugworth, but the camera pans around so we don't see the e-mail's text.
But we see an astonished look on Mike's face as he reads it.)



Scene after riding the Wonkamobile

(Enter a large room with white walls.  A giant PC is at one end of the
room, along a bunch of oversized computer peripherals.  Several
Oompa-Loompas are seen wandering around, wearing white button-down
shirts, pocket liners stuffed with pens, and wire-rimmed glasses held
together by masking tape.)

Mike Dotcom: Hey, it's the Internet!

Willy Wonka: It's the Wonkanet.  You see, the way you send a graphic
over the Internet...

Mike:  Sure, I know.  You place the picture on a scanner which divides
the image up into millions of ones and zeroes, which are arranged into
data packets according to the protocol known as TCP/IP. Each packet has
a header with the IP number of where it's going, so a router sends them
down the Internet until it reaches the target host. That server then
sends the packets to the right computer, which uses its CPU to arrange
the 1's and 0's back into the exact order, then displays it on your
video monitor.

Willy Wonka: Very good, but open your mouth a bit wider next time.  So I
thought to myself, if you can do it with graphics, why can't you do it
with chocolate?

(We see four Oompa-Loompas hauling an oversized Wonka bar onto a huge
scanner.)

Now, we're going to send that Wonka bar to the other side of the room,
using a wireless LAN. Of course, it has to be large, because a graphic
on the internet is much smaller on a 17-inch monitor.  Everybody over to
that computer, running Netscape with a special Wonka plug-in installed.
(everyone gathers around)
Now we type in "http://www.willywonka.com". I wanted to use wonka.com,
but that Slugworth grabbed the domain name before I could. And we press
enter...
(We see a big flash of light and hear a boom as the candy bar
disappears. We then hear computer-like sounds as we see flickering 1's
and 0's in a line near the ceiling)

Mike: Where's the Wonka bar?

Willy Wonka:  It's over our heads in millions of ones and zeroes.  Now
let's look at the monitor.

(we see a Wonka bar appear progressively)

There it is. Go ahead, try it.

Mike: How can I try it, it's only a GIF image.

Willy Wonka: OK, _you_ try it (pointing to Charlie) It's actually a WOF.
Wonka Object Format.

Charlie: It's real chocolate.

Mrs. Dotcom: Amazing!

Mike: it is really PC!

Grandpa Joe: It'll change the world!!

Mike: Hey, if you can do this with chocolate, can you do it with people?

Willy Wonka: Gee, i never thought of that.

Mike: Yeah, let's try it (as he heads for the scanner and hops on)

Willy Wonka: No don't. Stop. Come back.

Mike: C'mon, hit the reload button.

(One of the Oompa-Loompas clicks on Reload, and we another zap, see
another flash of light, as Mike disappears)

Mrs. Dotcom: (in desperation) Where did he go?

Willy Wonka: He is over our heads in millions of 1's and 0's.  Let's
look at the monitor.

Mrs. Dotcom: What's taking him so long?

Charlie: Those millions of ones and zeros take a long time to
reassemble.

Willy Wonka: Don't despair, ma'am.  (points to a progress bar onscreen)
See, it says "Now Loading, 70%".

Mrs. Dotcom: But what if the system crashes?  I end up with only 70% of
my son.

Willy Wonka: Well, just think of how much less you'll spend for food and
clothing.  Wait, something's coming through.

Mrs. Dotcom: Mike, are you in there?

(A shrunken Mike appears inside the browser window on the monitor)

Mike:  Hello? Wow, I'm the first person to be sent through the Internet.
Isn't it amazing?  I'm the first passenger to travel the information
superhighway.  It's the greatest thing to ever happen to me.  Is my
color palette set properly?

Mrs. Dotcom: Mike, you shrunk.

Mike: That was great.  Can I do it again, on a Macintosh this time?

Mrs. Dotcom: No, there'll be nothing left! (Mike steps down onto the
keyboard) And stay away from that delete key!

(Willy Wonka plys a short tune on his flute, summoning an Oompa-Loompa.
Wonka tells him to take Mike to the taffy stretching room.  The rest of
the Oompa-Loompas start to dance and sing:)

Oompa-Loompas:
Oompa-Loompa do-be-de-do
I've got another puzzle for you.

Internet surfing can be really cool
You'll learn quite a bit, it can help you in school
But doing it all day just clogs your hard drive
And you're only half alive
You wont see, You wont see, You wont see, You wont see,
You won't see the real world.

Oompa-Loompa do-be-de-da
If you're not greedy, you will go far
You will live in happiness, too
Like the Oompa-Loompa do-be-de-do!


And the rest, as they say, is history.


by Michael E. Kotler